


didn't think that I'd have to spell it out

by devourer_of_books



Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: F/M, I can't list everything I put here or these tags will be way too long, I know I too hate me sometimes, anyway this gets kinky, but alas here you go sinners, it's pretty light normal stuff but you know read at your own risk, post OTK set in the future, sexy headcanons, starting 2021 with a bang, this is not nearly as pretty as my smut fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 10:13:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28469595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devourer_of_books/pseuds/devourer_of_books
Summary: no shit, got me right where you want me, babycould I be more obvious?My take on the NSFW alphabet headcanon's for tagathaalternative title: it's been a weird couple of days and ariana's songs are too catchy
Relationships: Agatha/Tedros (The School for Good and Evil)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	didn't think that I'd have to spell it out

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation other than what I already said: the last few days have been weird, so I started to write these as a joke, but then I actually tried to put thought into it and now it's 5K.  
> This was actually supposed to be a post, but I thought it was weird that I couldn't tag it properly so people would be able to avoid it if they wished to, so here we are, on AO3, and if you're here you made the concious choice to do so. Thank you for your presence.  
> These are just my personal opinion, so you are allowed to disagree. In fact, feel free to tell me your thoughts on the comment box bellow.

**A** for **Aftercare** _(what they're like after sex)_

\- Agatha likes to **clean up** shortly after, take a bath if possible, especially if it gets messy (it usually does, see letter C). 

\- Tedros always follows her to the bathroom, given he cannot bear to stay away from her (or keep his hands to himself for the matter), but more often than not they just like to wash and **check-up on each other** , the softies that they are.

\- After cleaning up, Tedros demands **kisses and cuddles,** as he gets even more affectionate and clingy than he normally is. He's also a big fan of **pillowtalk,** to the surprise of absolutely no one.

\- It's okay though, because Agatha gets a bit mushy herself (might be the sleepiness getting to her, see letter Z), to the point where she unironically **calls him 'love'** after, even sometimes _during_ sex (see letter I).

**B** for **Body Part** _(their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)_

\- The King of Camelot is a leg man and we all know it.

\- Which is very convenient because... _Have you met Agatha?_

\- Tedros always pays extra attention to Agatha's **legs** , taking any opportunity to touch them during the day, from a more casual hand on her knee over her gown, to... _racier_ occasions. 

\- During make-out sessions between appointments, you’ll find his hands usually go to lock her legs around his waist pretty early on and like to stay on her **thighs.**

\- What a great thing it is that Agatha doesn’t wear anything above the knee often, because he _loves_ leaving _marks_ there (see letter K).

\- As for himself, Tedros is pretty damn proud of his **abs and chest** ~~(what a surprise, I know).~~ He likes it a lot when Agatha touches him there, extra points if she's doing it to _tease_ him.

\- Now, don't tell Tedros this, because he will be insufferable about it, but Agatha's favorite body part of his is his **mouth.**

\- Her husband is a great kisser and he is pretty great at other things too (see letter O), but she also appreciates how _vocal_ he is during sex, it’s a big turn on, but again, _shhhh,_ don’t tell him.

\- Agatha’s very insecure when they first start to be intimate, but if she had to pick, she'd say her **collarbones and neck** are her favorites. She gets quite a lot of compliments from tailors and dress designers related to them, and it's reinforced by Tedros' tendency to let his lips linger there.

**C** for **Cum** _(anything to do with cum basically)_

~~\- Tedros' favorite food is _pussy,_ next letter.~~

\- No, but really, the guy must have some sort of oral fixation (see letter O). He loves to eat his wife out. It works out perfectly, as Agatha's favorite place to cum is in his **mouth.**

\- (His **fingers** are a close second, though.)

\- That’s mainly because Agatha likes to kiss him and _taste herself in his tongue._ She cannot explain what it is about it that she finds so hot, but like, she just does and Tedros likes to take full advantage of it.

\- Tedros likes to cum on her **thighs** (he actually prefers a good **_cream pie,_** but that is just too stressful, see letter R), which means things usually get messy. 

\- And because he is so into teasing and _edging_ (see letter K) he always cums _a lot,_ which makes things even messier.

\- Bonus: when Tedros attempted to understand Agatha’s fascination with kissing him after he eats her out by trying to do the same, his diet started including an awful lot of pineapple. You know, _for no reason._ Unless they’re having a quickie, he prefers to not cum in her mouth; he loses a bit of his sanity whenever Agatha swallows, but he’d rather not subject either of them to the taste.

**D** for **Dirty Secret** _(pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)_

\- Okay, so Camelot’s Castle is huge.

\- It’s one of the biggest palaces in the Endless Woods, if not the biggest, and even with the, _now much tighter_ , security, it’s quite impossible for the royal guard and employees to have hold on _all rooms_ at _all times._ There’s almost two-thousand rooms in total, many of them containing various pieces of furniture.

\- You can see where this is going right.

\- I’m not saying Tedros has a **thrill list,** but like, Tedros has a _list,_ and it’s in alphabetical order and considers all available surfaces in each room.

\- Agatha pretends to think it’s tacky, but she’s the brain behind the operation, being in charge of timing and making the math for the most efficient way to execute the list.

\- (It’s been years and they’re only halfway through.)

**E** for **Experience** _(how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)_

\- I think we all know that **neither of them had any prior experience.**

\- Agatha’s experience with kissing is literally saving Sophie’s life, and while Tedros has kissed people prior to the events in book 1, anything beyond getting slightly handsy they need to learn on their own.

\- They both _theoretically_ know what they’re doing, sort of. 

\- For Agatha you can always go check my ‘Callis is Gavaldon’s witch gyno’ headcanons on either insta or tumblr, but the gist of it is that she knows a lot about **safe sex** and overall **anatomy,** because there’s no way Callis would leave sex ed to the werid ass chruch school they have in Gavaldon.

\- When it comes to Tedros: it’s canon that his dad took him to a harem when he was still alive, meaning Tedros must have been nine-years-old tops when this happened, which is _disturbing._ I’m guessing he was there to receive **The Talk** (as I mention in my ‘First and Always one-shot’) and learn some **tips** on how to please his future partner, so that harem visit plus a very awkward sex ed class in the School For Good, constitutes of most of his knowlegde in the subject.

**F** for **Favorite Position** _(this goes without saying)_

\- Agatha’s favorite is **cowgirl.** It takes a while for her to gather the guts to pull it off, but once she does it becomes her favorite; the Queen is assertive and bossy. She likes how much **control** she has on this position and the fact that she gets to watch Tedros’ reactions is also a plus.

 _\- Cowgirl_ is Tedros’ runner up, because, let me tell you, he _loves it_ when Agatha bosses him around (in bed at least). It’s also her go-to position whenever she’s jealous or feeling possessive, which is also a turn on for him, but his actual favorite is **spooning.**

\- The reason for this has a bit to do with his cock (see letter X), but honestly he just likes how _intimate_ and loving it feels. They’re both very busy people, so **morning sex** is a luxury they don’t indulge in often, but whenever they do it’s usually either **_oral_** and/or _spooning_ (because Agatha is not, _and will never be,_ a morning person) and it leaves him with this grin throughout the entire day.

**G** for **Goofy** _(are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)_

\- At first, when they’re still figuring out stuff they’re more humorous. It’s not so much that they are goofy, more like, they’re both **awkward** but laugh it off? 

\- Once they grow more comfortable with themselves and each other in this aspect, you can bet they have **banter** during sex, but it’s such sexually charged banter that it’s hard to laugh.

\- Tedros is very very **playful** in bed _._ He finds Agatha’s reactions amusing and likes to poke the bear, while Agatha is a bit more **serious** and doesn’t tease a lot (again, unless Tedros manages to get in her nerves her a little too much, but that’s usually his intention in doing this, see letters K and U).

**H** for **Hair** _(how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)_

\- Both of them **just trim**. Tedros’ is **neat and pretty** while Agatha’s is more **practical, if a bit uneven**.

\- (She got waxed once, when they were grooming her for Tedros’ coronation and it traumatized her forever. She’ll put up with shaving her legs and armpits every once in a while, when she feels like it, but ain’t no one getting wax or even a razor down there.)

\- (Tedros actually waxes his chest and armpits, he’s been doing it for so long he doesn’t even feel much pain anymore, but you cannot talk him into waxing or shaving there either.)

\- Agatha’s carpet matches the drapes, **thin black hair** that she keeps **pretty short.**

\- Interestingly enough, Tedros’ carpet doesn’t fully match his drapes. His hair is a shade or two lighter than his pubic hair. This is mostly due to how much time he spends in the sun. He’s a natural blond (despite what the Royal Rot might tell you), but his hair is actually a darker, more **honey-ish blond** rather than the golden curls he usually sports. It’s more noticeable once he decides to try out facial hair.

\- That aside, his pubic hair is also **curly and kinda thick.** He keeps it **slightly longer** than Agatha’s, mostly for the aesthetic of it.

**I** for **Intimacy** _(how are they in the moment? the romantic aspect)_

\- Tedros is **romantic** and **playful.** The intimacy is his _favorite_ part. He feels _safe, free_ and _loved_ and he wants Agatha to feel like that too.

\- Even when he’s a bit mean and/or purposefully makes her angry and frustrated, he likes that they can just stop everything and go in a completely different route. For him it’s really just another way of **expressing how he feels** and being able to **communicate** to his wife that he _adores_ her.

\- Tedros’ main love language is ‘physical touch’, with ‘words of affirmation’ on the side, so it comes very naturally to him to express love like that.

\- Agatha... is **also romantic,** but in a different way?

\- ‘Physical touch’ and ‘words of affirmation’ are not her go-to when trying to be affectionate, she’s more of a ‘acts of service’/‘quality time’ kind of person but she goes out of her way to be **more touchy and open** with Tedros to meet him half-way. And this includes, of course, sex.

\- The sex itself is nice and feels great, but for her it matters more that it’s **an activity that is** ** _theirs._**

\- Agatha finds it to be a moment where she feels very _vulnerable_ (even when she’s topping, perhaps especially when she’s topping) and the sense of **partnership** , of sharing a **bond,** gets the best of her.

\- As mentioned previously, she does call him ‘love’ during sex and uses it often post-sex. It’s a very small thing, but it always has Tedros’ heart skipping a beat. 

\- Post-sex Agatha is also very honest about her feelings and it’s much easier to coax ‘I love you’s out of her.

**J** for **Jack Off** _(masturbation headcanon)_

\- Tedros is a _busy-stressed-hormonal_ King. You do the math.

\- Quite unfortunately, running a kingdom sometimes means you just can’t go bug your wife, who’s in a meeting with a dignitary at the other side of the castle, for a quickie just because you miss her.

\- I’d say he masturbates **every other day,** and if one of them happens to be away in business you can bet he does it **at least once a day,** _maybe more,_ because the guy will be plagued by wet dreams.

\- Agatha is much more chill, so unless he’s staying away for more than a few days or Tedros decides to tease her, she should be _fine._

\- Maybe **a couple of times** if he’s away for the week or if she has a wet dream, but probably not at all if they’re just busy, given she probably won’t have enough time.

**K** for **Kink** _(one or more of their kinks)_

\- We all know that **intimacy** and **vanilla sex** are their biggest kinks, because they are so fucking soft for each other, let’s not pretend that it isn’t because it totally is (see letter I).

\- However, when it comes to kinkier sex, we get some very interesting stuff.

\- Very **soft and light** ** _D/s_** **kink** , which works great because they’re both _switches,_ though their default tends to be _soft!domme_ and _bratty!sub._

\- They’ve experimented with **light bondage,** a bit of **sensorial play** and **pegging,** but it’s more of a occasional thing rather than daily basis.

\- As previously stated, Tedros likes **edging** _a lot,_ both for himself and for Agatha. She has offered to give him exactly what he wants from the get go, but Tedros prefers to create a scenario to drive her crazy until she snaps and refuses to let him cum until she feels like he’s sorry enough.

\- (Spoiler: he’s never actually sorry.)

\- Why does he do it? Could be his _daddy issues,_ I don’t know, I’m not a therapist.

\- She actually agrees that it feels better to do it when he has ‘earned’ it, because otherwise she feels guilty about being too mean to him afterwards. On the other hand, _holy shit,_ on the rare event when Tedros tops, he is _mean_ and he feels _no remorse._

\- Does this count as a Never!Tedros reference?

\- He will make her **beg** for it, and then have her cum on his mouth at least twice (and not kiss her, mind you; he might allow her to suck on his finger, _if_ _she asks nicely_ ) before _considering_ fucking her.

\- (He’s very careful though. One time he got too in character and she had to use their _safeword._ That day haunts him and ever since he’s been much more attentive and mindful to not push her limits).

\- Again, therapy, you know. I think it has something to do with it making him feel like Agatha _needs_ him for once, given she’s so independent while he’s the 'needy' one.

\- Teddy loves leaving **marks** all over Agatha’s tights and collarbones, possessive kinky bitch that he is. 

\- The fact that Agatha lets him do this? And that _no one will know_ because of how she dresses? _Goes straight to his cock._

\- And he likes it even better when Agatha marks _him._

\- Purposefully chooses to go shirtless when he has hickeys on his neck, a bite mark or two on his shoulders and scratches all over his back. It’s an actual, _conscious choice,_ and it makes Agatha equal parts embarrassed and turned on.

\- Shall I mention the **crown** ** _kink?_** It falls under the marking thing, I think.

\- Tedros gets off on seeing Agatha wearing that crown. Cause, you know, it’s a crown that only _his wife_ gets to wear. Just like having her wearing his ring, or sleeping on his bed (have you read my ‘all’s well that ends well to end up with you’ series? just a suggestion).

\- Agatha could ask anything of him while wearing that and he’d be unable to do anything other than whimper _‘yes, love’._

\- I think it goes without saying they both have a **praise kink.** You know, with Agatha’s _crippling self-esteem issues_ and Tedros’ _people pleasing nature._

\- Tedros has a **minor exhibitionist kink** and Agatha likes the _idea_ of **semi-public sex** but would burst into flames if she knew someone was _actually_ watching/hearing them, which is why their _thrill list_ execution is usually planned by her, as she is the one with hard limits on this aspect (see next letter, L and letter N).

**L** for **Location** _(favorite places to do the do)_

\- So. Let’s start with the least kinky ones.

\- The favorite is obviously **their bedroom,** because it’s the most private, allowing for them to relax and take their time. I’m not gonna linger here, but just to give you the _‘too long, didn’t read’:_ royal bedrooms are _huge_ and they have _a lot of furniture_. Many tables, chairs and sofas as well as a big ass bed. It’s also where they store their toys. Do with this information what you will.

\- Bonus: during their honeymoon, Tedros and Agatha stayed at **Camelot’s winter palace.** So, in a way, it is a favorite location, as it holds some very special memories.

\- Anyway, let’s talk about the _thrill list,_ I know that’s what you wanna know.

\- They’ve already checked off all the **guest rooms** and **closets,** most **bathrooms** , a few **gardens** and nearly all **sitting rooms.**

\- There’s nothing particularly special about those, but Agatha really likes to have sex in the **private royal garden.** Bedrooms aside, I’d say that’s her favorite place. Maybe the **main dining hall,** but they’ve only managed to pull that one off once.

\- Tedros has an appreciation for the **council rooms.**

\- He is usually very vocal and loud but not _always_. The man is a pest, so if you think Agatha hasn’t blown him under the table mid-council to torture him, you’ve got another thing coming. It’s the most risky thing they do in that aspect so it’s not a common occurrence.

\- (He always makes sure to reward her plenty for it.)

\- Their **offices** have seen a lot of action too.

\- No, _truly,_ how can they get any work done is a mystery.

**M** for **Motivation** _(what turns them on, gets them going)_

 **\- Agatha.** _Agatha_ gets Tedros going.

\- No, but _really._

\- His high sex drive (see letter Y), means he cannot keep his hands to himself around her. He loves touching her and his mind is often in the gutter whenever the opportunity presents itself.

\- Tedros doesn’t get particularly _jealous_ a lot, most people are very respectful of their relationship (at least on his end), but he’s worried about her very often (how has his hair not gone grey at this point) and boy is he **possessive** (see letter K again).

\- And whenever Agatha is being possessive and assertive? Might as well set a fire inside his veins. Tedros loves **being bossed around in bed** by his wife and anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.

\- Agatha is not the jealous type as long as she doesn’t feel like she has a reason to be. People flirt with Tedros all the time, but she’s the one he married, isn’t she? No need for her to be his parole officer. 

\- (Which is different from the TLEA situation, but we can get on that argument another time.)

\- But sometimes, whenever he feels like he’s being neglected, Tedros will go out of his way to _make_ her **jealous.** It’s never anything actually harmful, just enough to have her not feel an ounce of regret about **sitting on his face** , or leaving him tied up to the bedpost naked while she gets off in front of him or **marking up his entire torso and neck.** You know, _just so he doesn’t forget exactly who he is dealing with_.

\- On another note, Agatha loves **reward-sex.** They passed a new law to help a minority? Sex. A foreign meeting ended well? Sex. They managed to secure a lucrative trade-treaty? Sex. 

\- Honestly she’ll blame this one on Tedros, he’s the one who solidified this association in her mind.

**N** for **No** _(something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)_

\- First of all, neither of them will **share**. Again, intimacy and loving-sex is the bottom line here and bringing a third party into their sex life doesn’t really align with it.

\- Anything that includes actually **hurting** each other is also off limits. Tedros might be mean when he’s in _dom!mode,_ but he loves Agatha way too much to ever put her in harm's way and vice-versa. No one is slapping anyone across the face, using heavy whips and given Tedros' head was nearly permanently detached from his body, I feel like breath play is also not a go for them.

\- Hurting each other also includes **verbal degradation or humiliation.** Agatha might talk down to him a bit if the mood calls for it, but they have very rigid lines that cannot be crossed. 

\- Agatha is very strongly against **public sex** or just **having an audience** in general. She thinks that semi-public sex is hot in like, a theory plane, but actually doing it is just not for her.

\- She does the council thing for Tedros on special occasions and that’s as adventurous as they’ll get in this regard. The illusion of risk when they have sex in other rooms of the castle feels great but Agatha is smart enough to time these encounters in such a way that the actual risk of them being caught is nearly zero (see letter R). Being caught making out is one thing, but actually having sex? Big no. 

**O** for **Oral** _(preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)_

\- Agatha **likes to receive** oral more than she likes to give, but quite frankly she **doesn't mind at all,** despite Tedros’ crazy insecurity that he tastes bad.

\- ~~I mean it’s a cock, she didn’t expect it to taste like candy, Tedros.~~

\- She was very clumsy at first, but they were learning together so that was a given. You can’t be immediately amazing at something. Takes _practice_ to be good at stuff.

\- _And practice they do._

\- Agatha likes the control she has over Tedros during oral; the fact that he is very vocal is a plus. She likes how he just runs his mouth whenever she’s sucking him off, bonus points if he’s praising her.

\- (Good skill and improvement should be recognized after all.)

\- As for Tedros, oh boy, if you thought Agatha got a lot of practice…

- ~~I’ll repeat, Tedros’ favorite food is _pussy._~~

\- He likes receiving oral, of course, but eating Agatha out is just something else. The man is a **giver.** If he gets head, he’s likely to cum soon, and as he is a fan of dragging things out for as long as he can, he prefers to be between his wife’s thighs.

\- Tedros knows his anatomy and remembers a few tips the girls from the harem told him, but he does not rest until he becomes a master at oral.

\- (Guess his favorite way to wake Agatha up.)

\- Again you can attribute this oral fixation to his ‘having Agatha need him’ complex, but on a more superficial level it’s just an ego validation thing. His wife is not one to not feed his ego, but well… There’s no being sarcastic and a smart ass when she’s calling his name, out of breath, with her hands buried in his hair, is there?

**P** for **Pace** _(are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)_

\- Well, it **depends**.

\- They’re busy people with high-stress jobs, so you can guess most of their quickies are **fast paced,** though I wouldn’t say rough, necessarily. They can be, but it’s not always the case.

\- Tedros favours the **slow and sensual pace** whenever he can afford to, while Agatha doesn’t really have a preference as long as he _eventually_ picks up the pace and isn’t planning on torturing her too much.

\- I’d say **hard and _slow,_ **sort of.

**Q** for **Quickie** _(their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)_

\- When you’re royalty, these come with the job.

\- Sometimes, they can go almost a week without getting to sleep on the same bed, despite them both being at the castle, due to work, so quickies are a _must._

\- Again, Tedros would much rather take his time so he can express how much he loves his wife, but alas, a kingdom does not run itself so they need to wrap things up as fast and efficiently as they can. 

\- How often really depends on the week. If they have more time to themselves, maybe **one.** If they’re very busy and stressed could be **four, maybe five.** On average, I’d say **two** times a week.

**R** for **Risk** _(are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)_

\- Tedros is **game for most things.** He is a believer in trying things out, but he always talks things over with Agatha prior, to test the waters and try to get a feel on her opinion.

\- His limits aren’t set in stone. He’s willing to put up with some discomfort just for the sake of trying something new, but he’ll give his honest opinion after they’re done and that’s the end of it.

\- Agatha’s **okay with experimenting,** though she’s less likely to introduce new elements. With time and experience she grows more assertive and assumes a more active role in serching for **ways to spice up their sex life** but has very hard limits (see letter N). 

\- Isn’t afraid to use her **safeword** if she’s not comfortable.

\- As previously mentioned they **take a few risks,** but they’re always **calculated ones.** Agatha **won’t have them getting caught** by anyone, and the same applies to other risks, such as pregnancies.

\- Cream pies are nice, but no way they’re worth having a baby, _this kingdom is chaos, they can’t afford that stuff right now_ and there’s no such thing as a 100% guarantee when it comes to **birth control potions,** even the ones Callis created. 

**S** for **Stamina** _(how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)_

\- Tedros can go up to **three** rounds given the proper breaks between them, but he’d rather just keep it to **two** to avoid being too tired, because then he’d miss the chance to interact with post-sex Agatha, who is just adorable and too much for his poor heart too take in the best of ways. 

\- He works out everyday, you can bet he has **a lot of stamina.**

\- His self-control is honestly kind of impressive and he likes to test out ways to make himself last longer. If they have the night to themselves, he’ll pull all kinds of foreplay before actually getting to it and will insist on getting Agatha off at least once first, both because he likes to and because it gives him something to focus on.

\- One of the things they work on when they first start having sex is on is Agatha’s stamina, because she gets sleepy and lovey, but she’d rather not feel like she’s about to pass out every time. It’s just not practical, she prefers to be able to get up and clean up before entering a coma for the next few hours (see letter Z)

~~\- And work on that they did.~~

_\- My oh my,_ being able to have **multiple orgasms** is just something else.

\- Penetration is nice, but Agatha does require clit-stimulation to go over the edge for the most part. It’s not really a problem given she’ll cum **at least twice** in the first round alone and Tedros likes to keep her occupied while he rests up a bit.

**T** for **Toys ** _(do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)_

 **\- Neither Tedros or Agatha are big toy enthusiasts,** but they do own a **small collection.** I don’t think the sex toy industry in the Endless Woods has taken off yet, so who knows maybe they’ll eventually own more.

\- Most of the stuff they own is **for Tedros and bought by him,** usually because he gets curious seeing ads for them. 

\- They have a few that they use more regularly, and then there’s the weird ones that were tried out once and they keep around just in case.

\- Nothing too scary, they keep their kinky explorations pretty light for the most part.

**U** for **Unfair** _(how much they like to tease)_

\- Tedros is the _king of unfair._

\- He always knows exactly what she wants, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get off on trying to make Agatha ask.

\- If you think he hasn’t pulled Agatha aside, gotten her all worked up, made a mess of her clothes and then walked out, leaving her hanging like nothing happened, I have news for you.

\- How has she not punched him in the face, a mystery, _‘cause I would have._

\- How does she keep a straight face when her husband, who is, _mind you,_ seating right beside her with his hand on her thigh, pretends to be discussing a proposal quietly with her but is actually whispering about the wet dream he had in which she fucked him until he passed out.

_\- How._

\- Agatha just wants to give him what he needs, but **Tedros is intent on driving her insane** apparently, the bastard. So, she’ll _unfortunately_ have to tease him **twice as much** back.

**V** for **Volume** _(how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)_

\- Agatha is **quiet.** Normally, you’d only catch her **gasping, sighing** and **hyperventilating.** She used to **whine** a bit, but even that eventually is toned down once she gets used to having an active sex life. 

\- She’s naturally not very loud, but given she’s paranoid of people listening in and also doesn’t think her voice sounds all that pleasant, she gets a bit shy about it whenever she is a bit louder.

\- Which Tedros honestly interprets as a challenge, because she knows he loves hearing her. He’ll chase after those **raspy low moans of his name,** even if he has to become the god of oral sex himself.

\- Even when she speaks and gets assertive, usually Agatha sticks to more direct, **short demands and orders.**

\- (Is anyone surprised, truly?)

\- Tedros? He is **loud.**

\- He can, of course, tone it down and be more quiet if the situation calls for it, but for him, sex is about having fun with your significant other and being able to _let yourself go_. So he does not get embarrassed at all by his reactions. He wants Agatha to _know_ she’s the one making him feel good.

\- He’ll **moan, groan, mutter, mumble, whine,** insert any sex noise you want here really, get yourself a boy who can do it _all._

\- Tedros also gets very loose lipped when turned on. Unless his mouth is otherwise occupied, he’ll be **dirty talking.**

\- I feel like he’d be into **phone sex,** but there’s no phones in the Woods, so that’s a shame.

**W** for **Wild Card** _(a random headcanon for the character)_

\- Agatha owns a few sets of **sexy lingeries.**

\- They were gag gifts she got from her friends on a few different occasions, including, but not limited to: her bachelorette party, her birthdays, christmas and even on Tedros’ birthday.

\- She doesn’t wear them, _ever,_ because not only are they borderline unconfortable, but she also feels kinda dumb when she puts them on.

\- But one time, Sophie sent her a **pink set** that she said “would compliment Agatha’s skin tone nicely” and Agatha got a bit curious because unlike most of the others, this one wasn’t a lace monstrosity.

\- (Agatha actually looks good in pink. She just has a very _cool_ undertone okay, my headcanons my rules.)

\- Tedros walked in on her trying it on and she’s pretty sure she could hear his brain frying.

\- They straight up skipped council that day. The set doesn’t currently exist anymore as it was torn to pieces. _Rest in peace._

**X** for **X-ray** _(let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)_

\- I think at this point we all know what they have going for them.

\- Agatha, tall legend, has **legs** longer than the goddamn _Tale of Sophie and Agatha._

\- She’s skinny and **bony.** This one does not have enough fat, or muscle, in her bones to have big boobs or much of a booty.

\- Tedros is **ripped,** it’s canon, he’s just,,, we all know what his body is like at this point. He has nice **abs** and **firm booty**. 

\- But you’re here for the dick headcanon. I know you are. 

\- He has a **pretty cock.** And I know what you’re thinking, _no way, how,_ but hear me out-

\- Tedros is **longer than average** , but a bit on the **leaner** side of the spectrum. It makes him a bit insecure, so he likes positions that make for a tighter fit, such as _spooning,_ and wants to ‘make up for it’ by being really good with _his fingers_ and _mouth._

~~\- It's an okay girth and it tastes like a normal dick Tedros, just get a therapist dude.~~

\- He’s **cut, straight** and has this **one vein** that pulses when he’s very turned on. Paired with very **neatly groomed hair,** his cock is just _pretty._ You can’t look away, it’s too aesthetically pleasing.

**Y** for **Yearning** _(how high is their sex drive?)_

\- Have you been reading this? They’re hormonal, stressed, young adults. They’re _horny._

\- Tedros’ sex drive is **pretty high** while Agatha’s is more **average,** but as mentioned, his specialty is getting her so pent up and frustrated that it’s a miracle she hasn’t killed him yet. So in that regard, they don’t really face many problems.

\- (The only death he wishes to die is the little death though, no actual dying, been there, done that, 0/10 would not recommend.)

**Z** for **Zzz** _(how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)_

\- Tedros has a lot of stamina (see letter S), unlike Agatha who is usually tired afterwards, so it takes him longer to fall asleep, unless of course, he is completely spent. Eventually, they manage to get her stamina up a bit, but she’s still more likely to sleep first.

 **\- Neither of them fall asleep immediately.** As mentioned before, Agatha gets tired, but prefers to clean up before sleeping and Tedros does not mind either way, he just wants to be around her. 

\- Agatha gets **very soft** and Tedros is _forbidden_ from ever sharing the stuff they talk about after sex. He has been _sworn to secrecy._

\- Not that he would want to tell anyone. He likes to keep this version of Agatha to himself only.

\- Funny enough, while she is a _light sleeper_ and even the slightest shift wakes her up most nights, when it comes to sleeping post-sex, she usually sleeps a **heavy sleep with no dreams,** to the point she doesn’t even scold Tedros for fidgeting to get confortable because _it doesn’t wake her up at all._

\- Yes, they’ve used this as technique for having a **nightmare-proof** night before. It works wonders.

**Author's Note:**

> *sweats* does this make up for me procrastinating With Care and So Much?  
> It will be written... someday. Eventually. Happy 2021 everyone!


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